One year ago

Exactly one year ago I slowly crawled out of the hole of my despair over IVF#1's BFFN. Asking myself "When do you think it goes away? I think it might never go away. Not to say that I won't feel normal again, but I don't think the pain of this will just disappear, I think it will be still be here."

Here I sit with two beautiful babies (one upstairs in the crib and one across the room in the Pack n Play...we've been having sleep issues) and I can still feel the pain of that failed cycled. The raw emotion of despair, loss and fear. Fear that we will never have a family. But we finally have a family, but here I sit crying thinking about that day. These two precious babies have made our dreams come true, but they did not cure our IF, they did not make all those years of pain disappear. Though they did make everything we went through worth it:)

Every time I 'meet' (as they are usually online) someone with a new IF diagnosis I want to cry for them. For their fear, the fear that I knew too well. I just hope all of them will be able to look back some day from where I am now. I hope everyone gets their families, however it might happen.