Sorry for being MIA all weekend...I was trying not to think much about the cycle. I was trying to really use the break between the ER and the ET to pretend my life was normal for a change:) But only if you define normal by being bloated, not pooping for a week, having ovary pain, and not being able to have a nice cold adult beverage... :)
Our embryo transfer is tomorrow at 10:15am and I really hope not to repeat what happened last time, so I am preparing to come with a nice and full bladder and request a catheter if I need one. We are transferring 3 (if there are 3 that are still growing) and I have an acupuncture appointment right afterward.
Right now I am really struggling with the fact that on the message boards there are a few other people at the same point with their IVF cycle as I am. Let me explain....this was the case with IVF#1, and all along we were cheering each other on, sharing experiences, etc. Their's worked, mine did not.
Now I see their updates about how they are entering their 2nd trimester and I am doing IVF#2. It isn't fair. It makes me really upset, and I relive the pain of our BFN everytime I see updates. Of course I am happy that they didn't have to suffer through this pain too. But when I see others at the same stage I am now I can't help but think it will happen again. Why do I always feel like someone has to lose, and it will always be me? Why can't I just assure myself that it can work for everyone? Why when I see too many BFPs annouced do I get really sad knowing the streak has to end and assume it will end with me?
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Our journey through infertility, to pregnancy, with a few bumps along the way.
About Me
- Andrea
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States
- After years of struggling with infertility we are finally parents to twins thanks to IVF#2! Learning through the difficult time of infertility, a multiples pregnancy, hospital bedrest, and a NICU stay that life is life, there is nothing you can do to control it. All you can do is try to make the best of it:)
Our Journey
- 10/05-Got married!
- 12/06-Began TTC
- 8/07-Diagnosed with Varicocele
- 10/07-Varicocelectomy
- 7/08-First RE appointment
- 9/, 10/, 12/08-IUI #1-3=BFNs
- 1/09 -IUI#4 =BFN
- 4/09 -IVF#1=BFN w/RE #2
- 6/22/09-IVF#2 =BFP!
- 1/15/10-Hazel and Elijah were born
Blog Archive
IF Success Stories
- Busted Babymaker
- Caroline-From Infertility to Baby
- Conceive This!
- Infertility Journey to Motherhood
- IVF on the Down Low
- Little Bluebirds Fly
- Make it Grand
- My Infertile World
- No swimmers in the tubes, no bun in the oven
- Not How I Planned
- Pieces of My Life
- Someday, Someway!
- Swimming Against the Tide
- There's a baby at the end of this, right?
Multiples
Infertility Blogs
Loss
Non-IF blogs I like
Money Spent on IF
- 2008-
- 7/23/08 -$323 RE office visit
- 7/23/08 -$727 cervical cultures
- 8/11/08 -$948 day 3 bloodwork
- 8/11/08 -$536 day 3 ultrasound
- 8/20/08 -$285 for IUI #1
- 9/5/08 -$194 Semen analysis and cryopreservation
- 9/08-9/09 -$150 semen storage fee
- 9/11/08 -$194 semen analysis
- 10/6/08 -pending $3,500 for HSG
- 10/11/08 -$285 for IUI #2
- 12/1/08 -$285 for IUI #3
- 12/27/08 -$285 for IUI #4
- 2009-
- 1/24/09-$248 RE office visit
- 1/28/09 -$412 semen analysis and bloodwork
- 1/30/09 -$542 mock-ET and bloodwork
- 2/6/09 -$3,966 for IVF & ER anesthesia
- 2/10/09 -$1,819.05 for IVF Meds
- 3/25/09 -$1,290 freezing embryos
- 4/2/09 -$293 beta testing
- 6/1/09 -$3,996 for IVF #2
Acronyms
- AF = Aunt Flow (menstruation)
- Beta =Beta blood test, tests for pregnancy hormone
- BFN = Big Fat Negative (on HPT)
- BFP = Big Fat Positive (i.e. PREGNANT!)
- DH = Dear Husband. Even when he's not being particularly dear
- ER = Egg retrieval
- ET = Embryo transfer
- FET=Frozen Embryo Cycle
- HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
- ICSI = Intro Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection
- IF = Infertility
- IL = In-laws
- IUI = Intrauterine Insemination
- IVF = In Vitro Fertilization
- LO = Little Ones (babies)
- MFI = Male Factor Infertility
- MoM = Mother of Multiples
- O = Ovulate
- OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit (tells when you O)
- Pg = pregnant, pregnancy
- PIO = Progesterone in Oil shots
- POAS = Pee on a Stick (take HPT)
- RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
- SA = Semen Analysis
- SIL = Sister-in-Law
- Stims = Stimulation hormone shots
- TI = Timed Intercourse
- TTC = Trying to Conceive
- TTTC = Trouble Trying to Conceive
- WTF=What the fuck? -why didn't this work
16 comments:
OMG, been there done that. I was so tired of always being the last man standing in the BG. But hey... look where I am now... it does work, it WILL work. But I do know what ya mean.. it is an envious, sadness that is hard to shake.
I really hope this IVF works for you, and everyone else. I am sorry you are constantly reminded of what you do not have. You will get it one day. Positive thinking, hope, its what keeps us all going. Good luck for tomorrow
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I'm only on IVF#1 and I already assume it's not going to work. I can't imagine how hard IVF#2 must be.
But you will transfer 3 beautiful blasts and despite how you feel you will have just as good a shot as everyone else. And that's a pretty damn good shot. Remember that all those BFPs you speak of probably had doubt at this point to.
I really truly hope this one works.
Praying for you!!
I have been following your blog for a few months now. We went through our first cycle of IVF the same time you did and ours ended with a BFN as well. I am rooting for you and hope that this cycle works!
Sending lots of happy thoughts and prayers!!!!
:( Im sorry that it hurts so bad. I pray that this time, you get the great outcome just like your friends on the message board! I really really hope this round is your BFP! Keep your head up! Praying that tomorrow goes AWESOME!
Thinking of you today. Can't wait to hear how it went!
I understand the pain of being left behind. I feel sometimes like I am always the one "taking one for the team".
Good luck tomorrow...try to filter out the noise of other's success and enjoy your transfer.
Good luck tomorrow, sweetie. I'm so pulling for you!!!
I know that feeling. After every cycle I have others that are at points where I should be or with babies that would be the same age as mine.
I try to separate it - it is so f-ing hard sometimes but I do try to separate it....
GL to you tomorrow and I hope that you can move on to being pregnant.
I totally understand what you mean about sitting on the sidelines. And I wish neither of us knew what that felt like. All of my fingers and toes are crossed for you!
HUGS!!!
Good luck and wishing you well this time 'round!!!
I think that's a very natural thing to feel. When we went through our second IVF, I was much more cautious about how excited I got, how much of a cheerleader I was etc. All I can offer are hugs.
Good Luck with the transfer - I hope this is it for you - it is going to work this time.
Thinking about you today and sending you LOTS of wonderful, positive thoughts!!
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