the beta was negative. I am crushed, DH is crushed, we both feel helpless. WTF? Why didn't it work? We had 2 grade A embryos.
I have no clue what is next, maybe a vacation. I emailed our family, basically said the result and that we don't want to talk about it, and won't be answering our phones. I don't want to talk to anyone:( I just want to see a positive pregnancy test. I just wanted to be able to announce good news for once. I hate that we are broken. FUCK.
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Our journey through infertility, to pregnancy, with a few bumps along the way.
About Me
- Andrea
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States
- After years of struggling with infertility we are finally parents to twins thanks to IVF#2! Learning through the difficult time of infertility, a multiples pregnancy, hospital bedrest, and a NICU stay that life is life, there is nothing you can do to control it. All you can do is try to make the best of it:)
Our Journey
- 10/05-Got married!
- 12/06-Began TTC
- 8/07-Diagnosed with Varicocele
- 10/07-Varicocelectomy
- 7/08-First RE appointment
- 9/, 10/, 12/08-IUI #1-3=BFNs
- 1/09 -IUI#4 =BFN
- 4/09 -IVF#1=BFN w/RE #2
- 6/22/09-IVF#2 =BFP!
- 1/15/10-Hazel and Elijah were born
Blog Archive
IF Success Stories
- Busted Babymaker
- Caroline-From Infertility to Baby
- Conceive This!
- Infertility Journey to Motherhood
- IVF on the Down Low
- Little Bluebirds Fly
- Make it Grand
- My Infertile World
- No swimmers in the tubes, no bun in the oven
- Not How I Planned
- Pieces of My Life
- Someday, Someway!
- Swimming Against the Tide
- There's a baby at the end of this, right?
Multiples
Infertility Blogs
Loss
Non-IF blogs I like
Money Spent on IF
- 2008-
- 7/23/08 -$323 RE office visit
- 7/23/08 -$727 cervical cultures
- 8/11/08 -$948 day 3 bloodwork
- 8/11/08 -$536 day 3 ultrasound
- 8/20/08 -$285 for IUI #1
- 9/5/08 -$194 Semen analysis and cryopreservation
- 9/08-9/09 -$150 semen storage fee
- 9/11/08 -$194 semen analysis
- 10/6/08 -pending $3,500 for HSG
- 10/11/08 -$285 for IUI #2
- 12/1/08 -$285 for IUI #3
- 12/27/08 -$285 for IUI #4
- 2009-
- 1/24/09-$248 RE office visit
- 1/28/09 -$412 semen analysis and bloodwork
- 1/30/09 -$542 mock-ET and bloodwork
- 2/6/09 -$3,966 for IVF & ER anesthesia
- 2/10/09 -$1,819.05 for IVF Meds
- 3/25/09 -$1,290 freezing embryos
- 4/2/09 -$293 beta testing
- 6/1/09 -$3,996 for IVF #2
Acronyms
- AF = Aunt Flow (menstruation)
- Beta =Beta blood test, tests for pregnancy hormone
- BFN = Big Fat Negative (on HPT)
- BFP = Big Fat Positive (i.e. PREGNANT!)
- DH = Dear Husband. Even when he's not being particularly dear
- ER = Egg retrieval
- ET = Embryo transfer
- FET=Frozen Embryo Cycle
- HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
- ICSI = Intro Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection
- IF = Infertility
- IL = In-laws
- IUI = Intrauterine Insemination
- IVF = In Vitro Fertilization
- LO = Little Ones (babies)
- MFI = Male Factor Infertility
- MoM = Mother of Multiples
- O = Ovulate
- OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit (tells when you O)
- Pg = pregnant, pregnancy
- PIO = Progesterone in Oil shots
- POAS = Pee on a Stick (take HPT)
- RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
- SA = Semen Analysis
- SIL = Sister-in-Law
- Stims = Stimulation hormone shots
- TI = Timed Intercourse
- TTC = Trying to Conceive
- TTTC = Trouble Trying to Conceive
- WTF=What the fuck? -why didn't this work
38 comments:
I'm so so so sorry :( You don't deserve this.
Andrea-
I am sooooo sorry your beta was negative. I thought for sure this would be it for you! I think a vacation sounds like a great idea....sorry that nothing we say will make it better :(
I am so sorry - words are meaningless and I wish that I could say something that would mean anything.
You are not alone though and that always helped me in my darkest moments.
((HUGS))
I'm so sorry. It's not fair.
I'm so, so very sorry.
I am so sorry :(
I am so, so sorry.
((HUGS))
i am so sorry :(
Oh I am so so sorry. :-(
(hugs) Thinking of you.
I was so sad to read your post I was so hoping that it would happen for you.((HUGS))
I am so very sorry.
Big ((HUGS)) to you.
Time will heal the pain that no words can.
I am so very sorry.
Hi Andrea,
I know that there is nothing that I can say to make you feel any better. I have just been through a horror first IVF cycle, and I know how devastating it is. I am here for you if you need me, and I am thinking of you. This is unfair.
I am so so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make things better.... words fail!
((HUGS))
i'm so sorry. if sucks.
I am so very sorry, this sucks so bad. I wish I could take your pain away.
Ugh this sucks so incredibly bad :( Hang in there, take some time to yourselves.
I'm so sorry. You can't give up! I had 2 failed cycles before the
3rd finally worked (and the failed cycles had better embryos than the one that worked).
Take some time to work through this and then, if you're ready, start again.
I so sorry.
I'm so sorry sweetie. So very, very sorry.
Please take good care of yourself and your DH.
I'm so sorry. How hard this is for you two.
I'm so so sorry.
FUCK is right. I'm so sorry. You deserve for this to work. It WILL work.
im so sorry, andrea. i really though this was it for you. i can only imagine how you must feel. i think a vacation is a good idea. you deserve it 110%!
DAMN IT ALL! I am so sorry. A bazillion ((HUGS))
So sorry sweetie, take care of yourself and your family will understand in the end why you need your space.
Here via LFCA. I can relate to absolutely everything you've written and have blogged much of the same. Infertility sucks, isn't fair, and for lack of a more creative phrase, just sucks.
I'm so so sorry for the negative beta. Not fair at all. Many hugs to you.
My heart hurts for you. I'm sorry.
arg! i'm so sorry you have to go through this...
xoxo
I am so very sorry
Hang in there!! It sucks and all of us know it!!! Do what feels right for you and your hubby!! Hold on tight to each other!! But I am so sorry that it didn't work!!!
Take care,
Diane
I am so sorry
I am so sorry
I'm so sorry honey. (((HUGS))
thinking of you ((HUGS))
I'm sorry. I'm just really, really sorry for you and DH. There is NOTHING fair about infertility. It just completely sucks.
Hi there,
I too just found out that my first IVF cycle did not work. It is possibly the worst feeling in the world. I guess we live to fight another day.
I am just so sorry. I know it's little consolation right now but you will get through this and you will feel hopeful again. In the meantime, take good care of yourself.
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