The neo called today and said Hazel might come home tomorrow. I am shocked, and very happy, but am also guarded b/c I know nothing is definite at this point.
She is on ad lib feedings (she sets her own schedule) and is doing really well, taking about 50 ml (an ounce and a half-ish) every 4 hrs, is still gaining weight, can maintain her temp, and her alarms aren't too frequent. They do think that she will have a monitor at home for about a month. I am both upset at that, and happy. Upset that she is having enough alarms that they think she needs it, and happy to have the reassurance of the monitor.
As much as I want her home, cry when I have to leave the NICU, and am so ready for them both to be done with the hospital, I am a bit anxious about having her here. I am worried that I won't do things right, that I won't be able to give her the care she needs, and that I basically I will suck at it. I know this is just paranoia, and I am sure normal for NICU moms, but the anxiety is still there.
Eli will be there at least another week, his feedings are still going pretty good, but he is having some temp issues and needs the heating lamp more than they like. It will be so hard to bring Hazel home and leave him there. I am sure she will miss him, and she is not allowed to come back with me to see him, which adds complications about finding someone to watch her so we can go see him.
Also, I hate pumping. My supply has gotten better, but I still just plain hate it. How long do I have to do it before the guilt of quitting goes away? I HATE IT!
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4 comments:
Yay! You will do great mama!
re: pumping - can you eventually switch to feeding them on the breast when they are allowed to do that? It's SOOOO much easier than pumping and then you can continue to give them the great benefits (as well as for you!) of breastfeeding. Just a thought :) I wasn't sure if you were ONLY allowed to pump or could eventually switch back.
How exciting!!!!! You'll be a great mommy to Hazel, don't worry! (You already are!) I hope Eli is very close behind!!
Wow! I am amazed how short of a time Hazel was in the NICU! That is excellent news- I know you still have many challenges ahead, but that is a step in the right direction.
Congrats on Hazel coming home! Our twins didnt have monitors but a friend did and she said the same thing: sad they needed them, happy to have them. I know you will do fine!
The guilt doesnt go away. I pumped until 3 months and they are almost 5 months old now and I still feel guilty. I had planned on BFing for 2 years and when I dried up, it broke my heart. Finally I realized that I gave them all I could and that they are healthy on formula and that THAT is most important.
I'm sorry Hazel cant return to see Eli. When Bobby came home (4 days before Maya) he stopped eating and wouldnt sleep unless we took him to the hospital. Even though there was a policy of no baby returns, we talked to the head of neonatology and he gave us a pass since they were twins. Have you talked to anyone about bringing Hazel back, even with the policy?
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