Day 28

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since I came in for PTL. It has been quite the roller coaster of emotions.

The first week was definitely one of relief that they were able to keep the babies in. Of course there was also fear, that they would come and they would be sick and too small. I was so sick most of that week from the mag and the transition to nifedipine.

The second week they cabin fever set it. I was feeling much better, very few contractions, and we were so happy to have made it to 30 weeks. There was definitely some self pity about being here and how much this pregnancy experience has sucked.

The third week the worry came back along with the contractions, but once we had the growth scan my focus turned to grieving for my grandma (who is still hanging on, but is very not well). I accepted that I am going to be here until I deliver and I am okay with that.

This week....has been one of pain. Last night the contractions were even worse and I am now 1 cm dilated and the boy is in the +2 position. I am no longer as worried about the health of our babies b/c we have been reassured many times by our OB and the neonatologist that we are out of the woods. Right now we are just counting down, and while I would change places with anyone who could carry to term, I know that I cannot and the pain is so overwhelming at this point. I was relieved when my OB told me today that the end is near, I will be taken off the meds next weekend if the babies don't come before then. Deep breaths, 8 more days.

One positive thing is that I think we have finally decided on a name for this boy. We've known the girl name for months, and we've been saying he is just pissed off from not being named and that is why he is causing me so much pain. That, or he won't actually come out until we name him. So, maybe he will either move and relieve my pain and let both of them cook longer, or just come out and let us meet him and his sister.