All of the sudden I feel like I have been accepted into a new club, the Mom Club.
I was at a party this weekend with some close friends and some people I've never met. The topic of babies came up. My first instinct was to run far, far away. But for the very first time I actually stayed and surprisingly joined the conversation. After a few minutes I was really uncomfortable and couldn't figure out why. Then I realized. These are the fertiles. The dreaded fertiles, and I am having a baby conversation with them and they think I am one of them. And before I could stop myself I mentioned our IVF. I had to, I didn't want them to think that my membership was like theirs, because it isn't. It will never be.
I've noticed that every time I mention my pregnancy (so weird to say that....) I have to follow it up with how it was achieved. I just can't let people make assumptions, I am infertile and will always be. It is who I am and they will know it.
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Our journey through infertility, to pregnancy, with a few bumps along the way.
About Me
- Andrea
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States
- After years of struggling with infertility we are finally parents to twins thanks to IVF#2! Learning through the difficult time of infertility, a multiples pregnancy, hospital bedrest, and a NICU stay that life is life, there is nothing you can do to control it. All you can do is try to make the best of it:)
Our Journey
- 10/05-Got married!
- 12/06-Began TTC
- 8/07-Diagnosed with Varicocele
- 10/07-Varicocelectomy
- 7/08-First RE appointment
- 9/, 10/, 12/08-IUI #1-3=BFNs
- 1/09 -IUI#4 =BFN
- 4/09 -IVF#1=BFN w/RE #2
- 6/22/09-IVF#2 =BFP!
- 1/15/10-Hazel and Elijah were born
Blog Archive
IF Success Stories
- Busted Babymaker
- Caroline-From Infertility to Baby
- Conceive This!
- Infertility Journey to Motherhood
- IVF on the Down Low
- Little Bluebirds Fly
- Make it Grand
- My Infertile World
- No swimmers in the tubes, no bun in the oven
- Not How I Planned
- Pieces of My Life
- Someday, Someway!
- Swimming Against the Tide
- There's a baby at the end of this, right?
Multiples
Infertility Blogs
Loss
Non-IF blogs I like
Money Spent on IF
- 2008-
- 7/23/08 -$323 RE office visit
- 7/23/08 -$727 cervical cultures
- 8/11/08 -$948 day 3 bloodwork
- 8/11/08 -$536 day 3 ultrasound
- 8/20/08 -$285 for IUI #1
- 9/5/08 -$194 Semen analysis and cryopreservation
- 9/08-9/09 -$150 semen storage fee
- 9/11/08 -$194 semen analysis
- 10/6/08 -pending $3,500 for HSG
- 10/11/08 -$285 for IUI #2
- 12/1/08 -$285 for IUI #3
- 12/27/08 -$285 for IUI #4
- 2009-
- 1/24/09-$248 RE office visit
- 1/28/09 -$412 semen analysis and bloodwork
- 1/30/09 -$542 mock-ET and bloodwork
- 2/6/09 -$3,966 for IVF & ER anesthesia
- 2/10/09 -$1,819.05 for IVF Meds
- 3/25/09 -$1,290 freezing embryos
- 4/2/09 -$293 beta testing
- 6/1/09 -$3,996 for IVF #2
Acronyms
- AF = Aunt Flow (menstruation)
- Beta =Beta blood test, tests for pregnancy hormone
- BFN = Big Fat Negative (on HPT)
- BFP = Big Fat Positive (i.e. PREGNANT!)
- DH = Dear Husband. Even when he's not being particularly dear
- ER = Egg retrieval
- ET = Embryo transfer
- FET=Frozen Embryo Cycle
- HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
- ICSI = Intro Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection
- IF = Infertility
- IL = In-laws
- IUI = Intrauterine Insemination
- IVF = In Vitro Fertilization
- LO = Little Ones (babies)
- MFI = Male Factor Infertility
- MoM = Mother of Multiples
- O = Ovulate
- OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit (tells when you O)
- Pg = pregnant, pregnancy
- PIO = Progesterone in Oil shots
- POAS = Pee on a Stick (take HPT)
- RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
- SA = Semen Analysis
- SIL = Sister-in-Law
- Stims = Stimulation hormone shots
- TI = Timed Intercourse
- TTC = Trying to Conceive
- TTTC = Trouble Trying to Conceive
- WTF=What the fuck? -why didn't this work
12 comments:
I love your attitude. You are so right, membership is not the same, and never will be. There will always be the asterisk indicating a much different kind of victory for you!
LOVE IT. I feel the same way, or at least I will once I'm pregnant- I think.
It is SO not the same. Thanks for giving the infertiles a voice.
It's strange, isn't it? As much as we long for our membership card, we still want an asterisk next to our name :)
Love this post, and Bluebird's comment. It's the same reason I still like to wear my IF string...even though I'm preggers I want the WORLD to know that it sure as hell wasn't easy getting here.
You're helping a lot of people, whether they say anything or not. There may have been an infertile or two in that group that you gave hope to...you should be very proud of yourself.
xoxo
I had a lunch with Mommies last week and I too felt I had to share our struggle. It seemed like I was being fake if I didn't share our journey and struggle. It didn't help that one of the other Mom's found her story similar since it took her a whole six months to get pregnant. UGH! Our membership is just not the same, the struggle will never be forgotten.
Ill never forget my cousin saying she "struggled" too since it took her a whopping 6 months to get pregnant!!! Try six years and going!!! The older I get the more I feel left out. I have no clue why we congratulate those that took one time having sex to get pregnant the same way we congratulate those that took years!! Inferiles should get a parade!!!
i totally get this. when i say it was hard for us to get pregnant, i mean that we had 6 IUIs, cancer, chemo, 2 surgeries, and 2 IVFs....not what some of the fertiles consider hard: waiting for more than one cycle....
even stranger? B said that he is not part of the club, too. he was suprised at how some of his guy friends with kids started treating him differently ever since we announced our pregnancy. he's been invited to beer night out, on camping trips....things he was never invited to before. he said that mostly they offer advice on how to parent, but it's still nice to be part of the club. :)
xoxo
duh...you know april=strongblonde, right?
So weird that once you've gotten in the club, you still don't feel like a true member. I hope as you go along you'll get more comfortable and be able to really celebrate your pregnancy!
Congrats on coming out to everyone! You are truly courageous!
I know that feeling too well. Even when I was well into my pregnancy, even now in fact, I feel uncomfortable talking about my pregnancy or babies with fertile people b/c they just don't get it that my experience is not the same as theirs, and it never can or will be.
On a different note...I've been away from my blog reading for a while now and when I just checked yours recently I was thrilled to see you are expecting twins!! I remember meeting you and your husband at the Chicago GTG last year, my how life has changed for both of us in one short year!
I recently made my blog private so if you want me to add you as a reader e-mail me at stippy@hotmail.com
I found your blog linked from another blog I read, so I hope you don't mind me reading yours too.
I first want to congratulate you on your twins. Being a twin mom myself, I can understand how your pregancy will be different already - let alone the struggles you faced to get there.
And don't forget, you now belong to a very special club - the MoM (moms of multiples) club. It doesn't matter how you got there, you belong completely because only moms who have been pregnant with multiples can understand your journey now.
Huge (((hugs))) and I wish you the best with your pregnancy!! And here's hoping the morning sickness calms down for you.
Carol (www.thecoyleclan.blogspot.com)
I am infertile as well and while I have yet to be pregnant I can totally relate to this frame of mind!
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