Just a really quick update, I don't have enough time to go into how I am feeling right now.
We lost one. I feel sad, relieved, guilty, sick, etc.
How can I feign excitement about having twins after this past week? I think it is going to take some time.
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Our journey through infertility, to pregnancy, with a few bumps along the way.
About Me
- Andrea
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States
- After years of struggling with infertility we are finally parents to twins thanks to IVF#2! Learning through the difficult time of infertility, a multiples pregnancy, hospital bedrest, and a NICU stay that life is life, there is nothing you can do to control it. All you can do is try to make the best of it:)
Our Journey
- 10/05-Got married!
- 12/06-Began TTC
- 8/07-Diagnosed with Varicocele
- 10/07-Varicocelectomy
- 7/08-First RE appointment
- 9/, 10/, 12/08-IUI #1-3=BFNs
- 1/09 -IUI#4 =BFN
- 4/09 -IVF#1=BFN w/RE #2
- 6/22/09-IVF#2 =BFP!
- 1/15/10-Hazel and Elijah were born
Blog Archive
IF Success Stories
- Busted Babymaker
- Caroline-From Infertility to Baby
- Conceive This!
- Infertility Journey to Motherhood
- IVF on the Down Low
- Little Bluebirds Fly
- Make it Grand
- My Infertile World
- No swimmers in the tubes, no bun in the oven
- Not How I Planned
- Pieces of My Life
- Someday, Someway!
- Swimming Against the Tide
- There's a baby at the end of this, right?
Multiples
Infertility Blogs
Loss
Non-IF blogs I like
Money Spent on IF
- 2008-
- 7/23/08 -$323 RE office visit
- 7/23/08 -$727 cervical cultures
- 8/11/08 -$948 day 3 bloodwork
- 8/11/08 -$536 day 3 ultrasound
- 8/20/08 -$285 for IUI #1
- 9/5/08 -$194 Semen analysis and cryopreservation
- 9/08-9/09 -$150 semen storage fee
- 9/11/08 -$194 semen analysis
- 10/6/08 -pending $3,500 for HSG
- 10/11/08 -$285 for IUI #2
- 12/1/08 -$285 for IUI #3
- 12/27/08 -$285 for IUI #4
- 2009-
- 1/24/09-$248 RE office visit
- 1/28/09 -$412 semen analysis and bloodwork
- 1/30/09 -$542 mock-ET and bloodwork
- 2/6/09 -$3,966 for IVF & ER anesthesia
- 2/10/09 -$1,819.05 for IVF Meds
- 3/25/09 -$1,290 freezing embryos
- 4/2/09 -$293 beta testing
- 6/1/09 -$3,996 for IVF #2
Acronyms
- AF = Aunt Flow (menstruation)
- Beta =Beta blood test, tests for pregnancy hormone
- BFN = Big Fat Negative (on HPT)
- BFP = Big Fat Positive (i.e. PREGNANT!)
- DH = Dear Husband. Even when he's not being particularly dear
- ER = Egg retrieval
- ET = Embryo transfer
- FET=Frozen Embryo Cycle
- HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
- ICSI = Intro Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection
- IF = Infertility
- IL = In-laws
- IUI = Intrauterine Insemination
- IVF = In Vitro Fertilization
- LO = Little Ones (babies)
- MFI = Male Factor Infertility
- MoM = Mother of Multiples
- O = Ovulate
- OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit (tells when you O)
- Pg = pregnant, pregnancy
- PIO = Progesterone in Oil shots
- POAS = Pee on a Stick (take HPT)
- RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
- SA = Semen Analysis
- SIL = Sister-in-Law
- Stims = Stimulation hormone shots
- TI = Timed Intercourse
- TTC = Trying to Conceive
- TTTC = Trouble Trying to Conceive
- WTF=What the fuck? -why didn't this work
42 comments:
Thinking of you.
I have never commented on your blog before but have followed your story via the Bump and your blog. I will be thinking of you. I can't even begin to imagine the mixed emotions you and your husband are feelings.
-Lindsey (LCB34)
It's okay to be sad--you need to take some time to grieve. Sorry to hear about your little one.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I just happened across your blog recently, and I'm delurking to say that I think your emotions sound perfectly reasonable and normal. Of course you want your child/children, but on the other hand, of course you would be concerned about the many possible risks that having high-order multiples can involve. Even beyond the risks to their and your health, later come the financial issues and the time issues, and obviously you want to give your children the very best life that you possibly can, which becomes more difficult when you're spreading the same resources among more people. You obviously have considered all of these things, and that (IMHO) already makes you a good, caring, and responsible parent/parent-to-be. I imagine that every parent of high-order multiples has had at least a few "oh shit!" moments, especially when they first found out.
I am sorry for your loss, and sorry for your sadness. I understand that there is little or nothing a virtual stranger can say to comfort you, but I just wanted you to know that I think you are coping as well as anyone could with such happy/sad/exciting/scary news, and I wish you the very best.
I'm so sorry. Sending lots of good vibes and sticky thoughts your way for you and your sweet babies. {{hugs}}
I'm so sorry. Take all the time you need. Sending you warmth....
((HUG))
Oh hun...I can't begin to imagine what you're feeling.
I'm very sorry for your loss and all the conflicting emotions that go along with it.
xoxo
All of your feelings are valid and worth exploring. You'll hopefully move through each one and deal with it and end up in a place that is wonderful and peaceful, celebrating the 2 beautiful lives that you are carrying. Thinking of you.
I'm really sorry for your loss, and all the confusing feelings it brings with it. You don't have to be excited; just take it one day at a time.
I hope you find some comfort and peace this week.
I just saw this. So, so sorry for your loss. I can't pretend to know how you feel. But I can bet that everything you are feeling is totally normal. Hang in there.
((Hugs)) sweetie. I'm so sorry.
Over from L&F. ((((hugs))))-
I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I think what you're feeling right now is completely normal. I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy!
So sorry about your loss. I lost a twin this pregnancy and the emotions are so weird and absolutely indescribable. I pray that you start feeling peace very very soon.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Oh honey...thinking about you.
Here from LFCA
{{HUGS}} I am sorry you are going through this. All I know what to say is that..and to send you lots of {{HUGS}}
www.ttc-wildride.blogspot.com
((HUGS)) Sorry abt the loss. Take your time to get through this. Thinking of you.
:( a loss is a loss. thinking lots about you!
xoxo
I am so very sorry for the loss of one of your babies. I am sending prayers for your remaining triplets and warm thoughts in your grief.
Pregnancy brings with it a rollercoaster of emotions as it is. Can't imagine how yours had been intensified.
((hugs))
here from LFCA
I am so sorry
I'm so sorry. Your feelings are perfectly normal and you don't have to explain to anyone. We're all here to listen to you and support you!
I have never commented on your blog before, but felt compelled to write and tell you how very sorry I am to hear your news. I lost one of my twins, so I know how difficult it is to go through what you are going through.
I wish there were words I could say to make your pain and fears go away, but I can't, so I will just tell you I am sending you lots of thoughts and prayers.
*hugs*
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine all the emotions you are feeling right now, so I'm just sending you some (((((hugs)))))!! You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!
I am so sorry. Praying for you.
you and dh are in my thoughts and prayers, I can't imagine all the roller coaster emotions you're both feeling right now.
(((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry and am thinking of you today. Even if it is "for the best" it is a loss. :(
I'm so sorry. What a mixed bag of emotions to deal with. Thinking of you.
I'm sorry to hear of this very sad news. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace.
((HUGS))
Sending some warm thoughts to you.
(here from LFCA)
I'm so sorry for your loss! Your mixed emotions are totally understandable. I really hope everything goes smooth for you from this point on...
I am so sorry, Andrea.
I am so sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry
Thinking of you... ((HUGS))
I'm so sorry. Don't feel guilty about taking time to grieve your lost child.
I can't imagine how you're feeling right now, but I'm thinking of you and your family right now.
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