Sometimes I feel like our lives are not moving forward, and we will stay where we are until we finally have a child. I see everyone around us passing milestones in their lives, and here we sit in the same place we were a year ago (I would say two years ago, but at least we passed the house-buying milestone last year).
I find people in our lives asking us less frequently about how we are in regards to IF. At first everyone was there for us, supporting us, asking questions about how we were doing, but now, other than you sweet girls and a few others IRL, we are rarely asked.
It's not like I want every conversation in our lives to revolve around IF (god that would be awful!), but just a kind word acknowledging that they understand that we continue to struggle would be nice. The longer we struggle the less prominent it becomes to others, but the more painful it is for us. I guess us not being able to have kids has become status quo.
A lot of my friends tell me if I need anything to call, and while I appreciate it, most days I don't feel like reaching out, even when I need the support. I know my friendships are dying b/c I just don't have it in me most days to make the effort......do you think this is a common side-effect of IF? Or do I just suck?
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Our journey through infertility, to pregnancy, with a few bumps along the way.
About Me
- Andrea
- Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States
- After years of struggling with infertility we are finally parents to twins thanks to IVF#2! Learning through the difficult time of infertility, a multiples pregnancy, hospital bedrest, and a NICU stay that life is life, there is nothing you can do to control it. All you can do is try to make the best of it:)
Our Journey
- 10/05-Got married!
- 12/06-Began TTC
- 8/07-Diagnosed with Varicocele
- 10/07-Varicocelectomy
- 7/08-First RE appointment
- 9/, 10/, 12/08-IUI #1-3=BFNs
- 1/09 -IUI#4 =BFN
- 4/09 -IVF#1=BFN w/RE #2
- 6/22/09-IVF#2 =BFP!
- 1/15/10-Hazel and Elijah were born
Blog Archive
IF Success Stories
- Busted Babymaker
- Caroline-From Infertility to Baby
- Conceive This!
- Infertility Journey to Motherhood
- IVF on the Down Low
- Little Bluebirds Fly
- Make it Grand
- My Infertile World
- No swimmers in the tubes, no bun in the oven
- Not How I Planned
- Pieces of My Life
- Someday, Someway!
- Swimming Against the Tide
- There's a baby at the end of this, right?
Multiples
Infertility Blogs
Loss
Non-IF blogs I like
Money Spent on IF
- 2008-
- 7/23/08 -$323 RE office visit
- 7/23/08 -$727 cervical cultures
- 8/11/08 -$948 day 3 bloodwork
- 8/11/08 -$536 day 3 ultrasound
- 8/20/08 -$285 for IUI #1
- 9/5/08 -$194 Semen analysis and cryopreservation
- 9/08-9/09 -$150 semen storage fee
- 9/11/08 -$194 semen analysis
- 10/6/08 -pending $3,500 for HSG
- 10/11/08 -$285 for IUI #2
- 12/1/08 -$285 for IUI #3
- 12/27/08 -$285 for IUI #4
- 2009-
- 1/24/09-$248 RE office visit
- 1/28/09 -$412 semen analysis and bloodwork
- 1/30/09 -$542 mock-ET and bloodwork
- 2/6/09 -$3,966 for IVF & ER anesthesia
- 2/10/09 -$1,819.05 for IVF Meds
- 3/25/09 -$1,290 freezing embryos
- 4/2/09 -$293 beta testing
- 6/1/09 -$3,996 for IVF #2
Acronyms
- AF = Aunt Flow (menstruation)
- Beta =Beta blood test, tests for pregnancy hormone
- BFN = Big Fat Negative (on HPT)
- BFP = Big Fat Positive (i.e. PREGNANT!)
- DH = Dear Husband. Even when he's not being particularly dear
- ER = Egg retrieval
- ET = Embryo transfer
- FET=Frozen Embryo Cycle
- HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
- ICSI = Intro Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection
- IF = Infertility
- IL = In-laws
- IUI = Intrauterine Insemination
- IVF = In Vitro Fertilization
- LO = Little Ones (babies)
- MFI = Male Factor Infertility
- MoM = Mother of Multiples
- O = Ovulate
- OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit (tells when you O)
- Pg = pregnant, pregnancy
- PIO = Progesterone in Oil shots
- POAS = Pee on a Stick (take HPT)
- RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
- SA = Semen Analysis
- SIL = Sister-in-Law
- Stims = Stimulation hormone shots
- TI = Timed Intercourse
- TTC = Trying to Conceive
- TTTC = Trouble Trying to Conceive
- WTF=What the fuck? -why didn't this work
11 comments:
I think it is a common side effect of IF, Even though I was very open about IF with my family and friends at the begining they soon stopped asking maybe b/c they were uncomfortable or maybe they did not want to make me uncomfortable. I get alot more questions about it now that i am pregnant and I still am very open. I wanted people to ask me, but I did not want to talk about it 24 /7
Hang in there you time is coming.
Hi Andrea,
I just started reading your blog. I can really sympathize when you say that you just don't have the energy to reach out to your friends. I think IF is emotionally draining and I too have discovered in the last couple of months that I see less and less of my friends and I really don't talk to many of them on a regular basis. The scary part is that most of the time I don't really care. You're not alone in this!
I think it's hard for people who are not going through IF to understand. I think it makes some people uncomfortable and they don't know what to say. Hang in there. All days can't be like this! Eventually it has to get better...
I have been feeling this way too... actually just posted a blog about it.
I'm sorry that this is happening, for both of us!
Hang in there,
leslee
I completely relate to what you were writing in your blog. When you are going through IF it feels as though you are achieving nothing, while everyone around you seems to be moving forward in their lives.
Know that you are not alone. I think it is really common to feel isolated when dealing with IF.
I was just talking about this with a friend today! I feel like a lot of my friendships are falling by the wayside. Either I don't feel like telling them everything, or they don't know what to ask, or it just feels like too much work.
You're definitely not a loser. It's just another side effect of this whole process.
this is totally a side effect of IF. unfortunately. :(
i know how you feel. it's so lonely sometimes.
I think it is very common, it happened to me. If you ever need anything, I am not to far away I love in Madison.
So, so common. I am trying to reach out to the people that I want to continue having in my life. It is hard, especially when I just want to think about how many eggs they might get from me next time...
I think it is a very common side effect- it happened to me when I was going through infertility issues. I think partly because they are moving ahead- having families etc.. and partly because they could not relate or comprehend what we were going through or what it is like. I know I still have family that don't get it at all!!! And that has caused a drift with some of my family and friends. I wish you the best!
I experienced the same thing. Unless you've lived with IF yourself, I think it's very hard to relate to someone going through it. All of my closest friends had one or two babies while we were going through treatments. I was happy for them but didn't reach out as much as I should have. Be kind to yourself and do what you need to get through this. Your true friends will understand and will be there for you.
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