Family

So, my sister and her 3 kids are coming to town for a visit this week. They live on the other side of the country, which has turned out to be for the best for many reasons. While they are here there will be many family events filled with small children and babies. I am running as fast as I can in any direction away from these events.

I am totally honest with myself and understand logically why I cannot emotionally handle such events, but still can't shake the guilty feeling of ditching out on them. We even made the decision that if we are not pregnant by Thanksgiving we are going to book a vacation over the holidays. There will be 2 newborns by then and I will have a serious meltdown if I have to deal with it. But why is there this nagging voice in my head reminding me that I am a failure for not being able to keep it together, put on the happy face and be social?